Hang Up!
That’s it! I have to say something! Yes, I have a hang up, and it’s because of something you refuse to do!
Hang up!
I know that fifteen minutes is way too long to be away from your husband and you can’t bear to not speak to him for the twenty seconds that it’s going to take for me to ring up your ho-ho’s and Diet Coke. I know that it is super important that you tell your wife how much you miss her while I ring up your cup of coffee and bag of M&M’s.
I know how important it is that you tell your little thing on the side exactly where you are every step, and every second; “I’m walking down the candy aisle, sweety. I’m standing in front of the pop cooler, twinkie. I’m walking toward the front counter, sugar. I’m standing at the counter, sweetcakes.”
I’m going into diabetic shock listening to you, jackass!
I know how incredibly important it is that you have that cell phone glued to your ear 24 hours a day, seven days and week!
You, though, apparently don’t know how incredibly rude and obnoxious you are! First of all, I know that, to you, I’m just a piece of crap convenience store clerk. But, do you know what? You can at least show me the common courtesy of acknowledging my existence during the twenty seconds of time that our lives are forced to intersect. Beyond me, you are also being rude to the people who are forced to stand in line behind you while you stumble through the buttons on the credit card machine while your phone sex operator whispers sweet nothings in your ear. Stop forcing the rest of us to listen to your little love chat with your stud muffin!
If speaking to an actual human being is too complicated for you, I suggest that you avoid human interaction completely and buy your Midol from a veding machine. Otherwise, just HANG UP!
